David did a great job sharing our heart in "The Quest For Abby," but I wanted to take some time to fill you in on the process from my perspective...there are few more details involved!

So where do I begin...like David said we had talked about adoption on an off throughout our marriage, but to be honest I had never even considered international adoption - little did I know that that was the only form a adoption David was considering.  At first, to me, it seemed too scary and, well, I guess, too different.  My vision of our family was just too narrow at the time.  God knew what he was doing by taking me to Thailand before the whole international adoption discussion really came up.    

So in January (2006) we took our trip to Thailand.  While we where there I met many of David’s college friends who are now living and working in China.  (Thanks Becky and Ana for keeping the kids for us!!!)  This was my first international trip (other than Mexico) and it was AMAZING.  Not only was I getting an opportunity to experience the Thai culture, I was getting to hear all about our friends’ happenings in China and India.  I was blown away by the sacrifices these families had made to have the opportunity to influence another part of the world for Christ.  There was also another woman at our resort who was there with her little girl that she had adopted from China the previous year.  It was interesting to hear about her experiences as well.  Looking back I can definitely see how that trip was opening my eyes and my heart to the international world.

 

We got home, got unpacked and a few days later David was off to California for a week long business/golf trip.  So here I was, barely adjusted back to Central Standard Time, going from 10 days of absolutely no responsibilities to 7 days alone with the kids!!!  Talk about transition!  I don’t include all of that to make David feel bad, or look bad, but rather to show how God was at work…just wait and see.  So, in the midst of being alone with the kids, all I could think about was wanting to have another baby.  Who in their right mind goes from the freedom of vacation to the stress of being alone with the kids for an extended period of time and still thinks about adding a newborn to the mix!  It had to be God at work!   I would try not to think about it and then there I’d be thinking about it again.  I had figured out the ideal date we needed to conceive by to keep Caroline and the baby roughly two years apart and everything.  Meanwhile on his trip, David was thinking about expanding our family through adoption.

 

Prior to this David had expressed his desire to stop at two kids, but had said if I really felt strongly about having more he was open to it.  So when he got home I cautiously introduced the topic of trying to conceive again.  At the same time he brought up adoption, and this time specifically international adoption – a little girl from China.  I don’t remember what my response was but I know I experienced a whole slew of emotions: excited about adding to our family, apprehensive about international adoption, sad at the thought of not being pregnant again, cautious about what effects it would have on our family dynamics, and on and on it went.  We left the discussion there, agreeing to pray about it over the next few days and see were the Lord would take us. 

 

Those next several days were AMAZING for me.  My mind was constantly spinning…thinking of all the possible scenarios for adopting and contemplating the things I’d be “giving up” by not trying conceiving again.  (Now I don’t see it as giving something up at all.  In fact, I feel amazingly blessed to have the opportunity to be touched by adoption.  But that’s where I was at that point.)  I was processing things like,

            -This will make our family look different. What will people think?  How will people respond to us?  What types of prejudices will we face?  What types of prejudices will this child face as she gets older and how will we deal with that?  Will I treat her the same as our biological kids?  Will I be more lenient with her because of the life she’s come out of?  How will we explain the adoption to her as she gets older?  How will we explain it to Daniel and Caroline?  How will I respond to questions about our family dynamics?  Will I be able to love her as my own?  Will she really love me?  Am I ok with not experiencing pregnancy again?  And on and on it went.

 

As I prayed about it, I said, “Lord, I want to be able to do this.  It feels like a good and right thing to do, but I just don’t know if I can.  It scares me, and I don’t know if I can handle all the stuff (questions/explanations) that comes along with it…I just don’t know Lord.”  It was in that moment that I very clearly felt the Lord telling me, “Missy, your daughter is in China.”  That was all I needed to know.  From that moment on I have felt “pregnant” (without the sickness part of it!) and I have been longing for the day when our little girl is here with her family.  I am confident that we are going down the path that He has chosen for us.

 

Since that day in late February, I have been a woman on a mission.  I’ve done countless google searches, read a number of books – with still more on my ‘must read’ list, talked with anyone who has any experience adopting, joined a playgroup for children from China, joined yahoo groups related to China adoption, etc.  Seriously, I feel, at times, like I’m pregnant with our first child and just trying to find out all I can about the process.  The Lord has reassured me that my fears and questions are ok and that He will give us what we need to get through each situation we face.  I feel like I have already come to a fuller understanding of what it means to be adopted into God’s family, and I can’t believe we are being given the opportunity to illustrate that truth to the world.    

 

The road ahead is LONG.  So long that it literally makes my heart hurt when I think about having to wait 12-24 months before having Abigail here with us.  But I trust in His control and I trust that He is getting us into the process at just the right time to have us matched up with the little girl he has already chosen for our family.  Please join us in praying for Abigail, that even in her earliest days, even while she may still be in her mother’s womb, the Lord would protect her and place people around her who truly love her and who can consistently show her that love.  And please pray for us as well, that the Lord would go before us and direct our steps.  That he would protect our hearts and be our guide as we journey after our sweet Abigail.

 

Thanks for journeying along with us!